So I've been seeing this guy....
Carrie Bradshaw Moment
So I’ve been seeing this guy,
His name is Sawyer, he works at the Kennedy Center. We have gone on three dates, once to lunch & then the Hirshhorn Museum, once to dinner, and once a picnic on the National Mall and then we saw the Minion Movie (not my idea, but still fun).
Sawyer is cute, and pretty cool. Mostly he talks, and I interject occasionally. He seems very shy, which makes the mostly him talking part very interesting. I feel like he has a lot of thoughts throughout the day, and I am like a convenient place for them to go. Part of why I think this is that he texts me A LOT. Like a LOT. Like we have discussed our texting behaviors & histories because the rate at which he texts is so notable. I’ve been proud of my ability to not feel pressure to reply and not feeling guilty when I forget to. That’s a win for me.
I think what’s frustrating about Sawyer is that we talk a lot, like I said, almost constantly but it feels like there are no stakes at play. It is as if he could be saying these things to absolutely anyone, and I just happen to be the person in front of him at that given moment. It just feels like he takes very little interest in me, specifically. Believe me I have put my best foot forward too!! All the casual touching, all the eye contact, every signal that you could possibly send that I am open, nay, WANTING affection has been curved. There are only so many more balls I can throw king, so I don’t know if a fourth date is in store.
So I’ve been seeing this guy…
His name is Renoir and he works at the restaurant next door to my building in Woodley Park. I’m actually about to go out for drinks with him right now**. He’s really attractive, and kinda weird. In a good way. When we met he was wearing like calf high boots, and this white button up and a vest- he looked like Han Solo.
He was super charming and swept me off my feet. TOTAL flirt. Which is fun, but also like sometimes when we talk it is just randomly INTENSELY awkward. Maybe awkward isn’t the right word, but I mean that’s how I feel in the moment. More to come on Renoir. We haven’t had a good and proper date yet, so all of our interactions have been in passing which probably contributes to the weird moments. We shall see tonight! I’m actually literally typing this in his restaurant as we speak, he told me to come down and just hang out until he got off.
**I had a wild time out with Renoir, I have not processed it entirely lol.
So I’ve been seeing this guy….
KEVIN. Kevin. What a trip things are with Kevin.
Kevin works for the Department of Homeland Security, and STOOD ME UP! We met at a club, went back to his place where we drank Rose and he told me about all his fabulous travels and what I need to do to get a career in the Federal Government. He was super shaky though, noticeably so, I think maybe I made him nervous (?) that or there is a health condition I’m unaware of, which would be embarrassing then if I thought it was about me.
Anyways, we had a dinner scheduled and he stood me up- which is not something I thought happened in the 21st century- but I still managed to have a good night. ;)
He’s texted me a couple times since, apologizing and offering to take me out to dinner but I have not replied.
Honorable Mentions
Q: Physician, cool guy.
Rain: He told me I was the first person to know ASL at the club we were at, we communicated fairly well with my shitty ASL knowledge- I need to text him back 0_o.
Cam: we had a REALLY GOOD date, but they gave me the whole ‘I’m starting a job and too busy to start anything’ deal which is fine (but disappointing)
There are more, but I am getting a little embarrassed about the volume and thus am stopping lololol.
Reflections
I’ve been flitting about D.C.
and overall, I am grateful, to meet so many interesting people, to see so many interesting things, people say the darnedest stuff when you let them talk.
That is what comes first in my mind, gratitude for the adventure.
And,
I don’t know if I am cut out for the serial romantic type.
I love to roam, but I want a safe harbor to wind up in.
I want something comfortable at the end of the day,
something where conversation winds down familiar paths-
but still has undiscovered trails.
I want someone to know me. Actually.
Is that lame? Maybe a little.
I think guys in D.C. just need someone to talk to, or at least the guys I’ve been out with— it’s like they’re just dying for someone to ask about their life, their interests, etc. Everyone is so damn ~interesting~. I’ve done a lot of listening, nodding, asking questions. Maybe I don’t offer up enough, I’m not very assertive. I’m happy to listen, but I also have so many things to say. I feel like if they listened they’d be interested in them too. Eh, c’est la vie. I’ll keep active listening, at least I’ve gotten some drinks out of it.
That makes me think of some advice that I got at a bar the other night from this really cool lesbian who really liked talking to me and my mother. She said “Don’t give a smile to every guy you see.” And I think she CLOCKED me with that, I deserve to be picky. I deserve to have standards and I deserve to have them met, but I want to do so in a way that still keeps me as open as possible and avoids any cynicism. I don’t want to harden my heart, I want it to be soft and squishy and vulnerable. So maybe I end up on more bad dates than the average bear, it’s all a part of the trip. I’ll strike a balance… eventually.
When things are hard it reminds me how nice it is when they’re not.
Looking forward to things being easy.
Anyways, gonna go run like 10 miles now.
Happy Sunday :)
xoxo,
Smart, Hot Princess <3
this is so carrie Bradshaw im screaming beautiful